Personal and private

Finally, I've worked it out how to overcome a major issue I had been stuck on. I didn't know how honest to be. I was really unhappy with British Council and some of my co-workers, and I knew it was unprofessional to write about it, but I felt like I couldn't skip that part. I have decided I will have two blogs, one for telling friends and family what I am up to in general, and another that is purely professional!

I think this will solve the problems I have been having. If only I had researched and read other people's material before setting out! It seems so painfully obvious to look at what is out there before you set to work. I suppose common sense is really badly named...

Blog Problems

So, while I have been writing this blog, I've come across three significant obstacles.

1. Does anyone actually give a shit about my insignificant life?

Well, yes, some people do. And some things that happen to you are hilarious and you have to admit that you are sick of repeating them on skype to different people...

2. “My writing is crap and I’m just another pretentious tosser”

Most likely a true statement. But the former is a personality trait which you can probably do nothing about so don't worry about it, and as for the latter, it’s never going to get any better by sitting on your arse and doing nothing is it? The internet was made for pretentious wankers such as yourself to expose their idiocy to the world. Get it out for the amusement of others!

3. How honest should I be?

As honest as your readers... don’t post the link to facebook, but do tell friends and certain family members back home! Keep focused on your purpose...this is purely to entertain others and keep them informed about your life.

Tobaco y España

I quit smoking (yet again) on 27/08/10, and haven't intentionally smoked since living in Spain. No one is more suprised by this fact than me.

Maybe all individuals who want to quit smoking permanently should merely detox for a few weeks and then move to somewhere where everyone smokes everywhere. Then, they will still get their hit of nicotine (albeit reduced) through simply breathing. You don’t even have to buy a drink in a bar...merely stand at the traffic lights waiting to cross the street and breathe in, as you will doubtless be surrounded by smokers having a cheeky puff on their way back to the office. Sadly, gyms and airports are non smoking, but they do have specially designated smoking areas within the premises. Yupee.

Maybe when I move back to a country where smoking inside is prohibited, I’ll feel withdrawal and start having to buy cigarettes again.

But on a more serious note, if you are a non-smoker, then you will be in the minority here. I almost thought it was cool when people were smoking joints on the metro when I was on my way home from a club at 6am, but I really don’t understand people smoking in a healhfood/smoothie bar.

People's attitude to smoking here is pretty disturbing. I was entering the school a few weeks ago, and a father had an (unlit) cigarrette hanging out of his mouth while walking out of the school grounds, while surrounded by baout 20 children swarming into the playground. Last weekend a woman got on the metro with her 3 children, who's ages ranged from around 6 to 12 years old. They each had a toy cigarrette and were puffing away happily.

If my Spanish had been better, I definitely would have said something. I would not have been able to stop myself. Whether that would have made a difference, I don't know, but being virtually gagged by not speaking the same language as the people around me is becoming harder and harder.

Five Tips for Class Control

1. Remember, you are NOT the teacher! (You are not even a teacher!)

You have not had a lot of training, and you need to practice to make perfect. You´re main role is to play games with the children, as exposure to your voice and way of speaking, and help motivate them to learn English. Get to know your teachers and what they want'--some are pernickity about paper work, others have a different style.

2. In small groups, own the room, and have a routine.

Children crave routine, so start each small group session by telling them all the “stand behind their chairs”. This makes it easier to swap people around; make the trouble makers sit by you, and rearrange individuals so that they are seated “boy girl boy girl”. If there is time, while they are "standing behind their chairs" before the lesson, ask them introductory questions (time, date, season, favourites) and only allow them to sit down when they answer correctly

3. 3 strikes and you’re out.

If someone is committing a "cardinal sin", like being horrible to the others or talking continuously in Spanish, tell them in a stern voice "that is your first warning. you are only allowed three. Then I will send you back to class". Also, talk to the trouble makers individually outside of your teaching room before the start of a new session. Children try to test the limits of discipline--give them rules and be consistent

4. Wear a watch

(preferably one that beeps, so you can say "you have one minute. GO!")

5. Carrot and stick.

Shout in the first 10 minutes to show the children that you are capable of chastising them, then be really positive and reward good behaviour with praise.

Children crave attention. Take away "privileges" (such as a child’s turn to read their page of the book, or being asked to answer questions) if they are being silly and disruptive.

Shower Door Disaster

I was having a shower and completely minding my own business, when suddenly the shower door literally LEAPT off its sliders. I put one part back on, but then another bit fell off, in some sort a comedy-show-style that simply wasn’t amusing after working an 11 hour day. This caused me to enter Basil Fawlty mode, and I promptly began shouting a veritable rainbow of foul language at the offending contraption. However, I overestimated the thickness of the walls between mine bathroom and the rest of the flat. Result? Fernando and Letti now think I am insane. I think it’s good they have found out early on.

Bathroom Buddies

So, I share a bathroom with one person. He’s called Diego and he’s really nice, but we seem to have different views on things, which is a subtle way of saying that he thinks everything I do is a bit odd.

My first day here, Diego sat me down and gave me a long talk of how to “work” the shower door. It is basically on it’s last legs, and falls off a lot, so I have to be really careful with it and not break it. But I’m so clumsy, this is easier said than done.

The next issue that arose involved a map. I will always hotly defend womankind when people say that women in general are terrible at reading maps, but I must confess that it seems to be a law of nature that after “reading” a map I almost always walk in completely the wrong direction. It’s just a fact of my life that I have come to accept. My bad sense of direction is a bit complicated here though, as because my Spanish is still suboptimal I can ask for directions, but it’s pretty unlikely that I will understand a response. In order to try and rectify this situation, I stuck a metro map up in the bathroom to look at while I was brushing my teeth, not thinking that Diego would have a problem with this. A few hours later there was a soft knock at my door.

“Humphries. What’s with the thing you have put up in the bathroom?”. He then preceded to inform me that our bathroom is the “guest bathroom”, and therefore I should “stop being weird”, or at least put a “laminated” map up, so that it looks “neat”.

I’ve spent long enough trying not to be weird to learn two facts. Firstly, being “normal” is boring, and secondly, it’s a pointless waste of energy as it’s a pretty impossible task. Love me the way I am, or not at all, my friend.

Having said that, I’ve taken his feelings into consideration and have taken the map down. At school I have access to a laminator...

New Flat!

Finally moved into the new flat yesterday! It’s so nice to actually live somewhere, with the knowledge that you may actually be living there for some time! I’m a bit of a “nester” at heart. I like to stick things on the wall, and have a food cupboard bursting with food...It makes me feel better about the big bad world outside. (I’m sick of thinking things like “wow. That’s a really good deal for that product. Bargain. But I can’t buy them as I’ll just have to transport them to a new place” etc etc.) Now I can finally buy a kettle and really feel at home!